Agh here I am crying as I write this post.
We had made a decision - not to go ASAP - but as soon as the decision was made and clinic contacted I have begun to question this decision - MY HEART IS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO TORN
AF decided to show today as I figured she would - if I go in March - I HAVE to decide by tomorrow - I am just waiting from my clinic for protocol dates - I would have to start estrace again tomorrow - AGGGHHHH I don't know what to do
DH (dear husband) is just as torn - and together we are the most indecisive couple that has ever existed…. Why can't there be an easy answer?????
Why are we here 5.5 years into trying to have a baby - blessed with one little boy who I can't even describe how much I love him -but we I KNOW our family isn't complete…..
But this is emotionally draining, physically draining, financially draining - I think DH had a bit of break down tonight - those were partially his words - its true - I love our journey - but how long can one go on for? How many times does one try? How much money do you spend? When do you stop and say be happy with what you have and move on.
So much I can ramble about - so torn - I wish the answer was easy….
Showing posts with label Decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Decisions. Show all posts
Tuesday, 24 February 2015
Friday, 16 May 2014
It's been awhile………….
WOW - life is BUSY with a baby!!! Our little man is almost 9 months old and is truly the best! He is very go go go go - I love watching him discover things and explore - we laugh daily - I knew I would enjoy motherhood - but who knew it would be this much! Sure I am downright exhausted some days -but I wouldn't change a thing!!
We have made the decision to keep our embryos in Cancun - just because transferring them is not the simple quick process I thought it would be - so its a good excuse for a vacation - we will be returning in the fall to try again! Now the question is how many to transfer! Originally thinking that our embryos would be in Calgary and it would be a easy enough trip we decided we would only do one at a time - because it would be easy and cheap enough to go back and try again - but now that we are retuning to Mexico - we are torn if we do two or just one and pray that it sticks - so many thoughts and decisions - two - what if its twins ? one - what if it doesn't take? so thats where we are now - trying to firm up dates with the clinic and decide how many to transfer…….
We have made the decision to keep our embryos in Cancun - just because transferring them is not the simple quick process I thought it would be - so its a good excuse for a vacation - we will be returning in the fall to try again! Now the question is how many to transfer! Originally thinking that our embryos would be in Calgary and it would be a easy enough trip we decided we would only do one at a time - because it would be easy and cheap enough to go back and try again - but now that we are retuning to Mexico - we are torn if we do two or just one and pray that it sticks - so many thoughts and decisions - two - what if its twins ? one - what if it doesn't take? so thats where we are now - trying to firm up dates with the clinic and decide how many to transfer…….
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
9 weeks 5 days - Hello little Prune (1.5" long)
Well it has been awhile since our last post - not really much to update!! Trying to figure out all the decisions we need to make over the next 6ish months! Surprisingly there is lots - where to deliver, what OB to be referred to, baby equipments, names etc. And I am sure the time will fly - we are almost done the first trimester, here I have barely blinked and it's almost over!!
Still feeling pretty good - knock on wood I haven't really had many symptoms. The nausea comes and goes in waves, I just eat a little bit and it helps. I am still quite tired - but hopefully that ends soon!
The last week and a bit I feel like a bit of a blob - just not comfortable in a lot of my clothes - seems like I have bloated a bit - some jeans are getting a bit tighter but that's about it - I may have to make my first purchase of the pregnancy (other than a book or two) and get a belly band and see if it helps..
This pregnancy hasn't "hit" me yet - very odd but I am sure it will soon. From what I have read its quite common for women who have struggled with IF and gone through IVF to feel the way I am - I have had lots of support from my DH and on line support group and nice to know that I am not the only one experiencing such feelings. I have also had some crazy dreams - but again nice to know I am not the only one going through them!!
One of the girls this morning mentioned I have the tiniest little belly happening - again I haven't noticed but I look everyday and that's probably why - lol - all with time is what I keep telling myself!
We have our next pre-natal appointment on February 22 and also our NT scan that day - again we will blink and it will be here - four weeks away!!!And so - until then probably keep warm in this COLD COLD Alberta winter!!!
XO
Still feeling pretty good - knock on wood I haven't really had many symptoms. The nausea comes and goes in waves, I just eat a little bit and it helps. I am still quite tired - but hopefully that ends soon!
The last week and a bit I feel like a bit of a blob - just not comfortable in a lot of my clothes - seems like I have bloated a bit - some jeans are getting a bit tighter but that's about it - I may have to make my first purchase of the pregnancy (other than a book or two) and get a belly band and see if it helps..
This pregnancy hasn't "hit" me yet - very odd but I am sure it will soon. From what I have read its quite common for women who have struggled with IF and gone through IVF to feel the way I am - I have had lots of support from my DH and on line support group and nice to know that I am not the only one experiencing such feelings. I have also had some crazy dreams - but again nice to know I am not the only one going through them!!
One of the girls this morning mentioned I have the tiniest little belly happening - again I haven't noticed but I look everyday and that's probably why - lol - all with time is what I keep telling myself!
We have our next pre-natal appointment on February 22 and also our NT scan that day - again we will blink and it will be here - four weeks away!!!And so - until then probably keep warm in this COLD COLD Alberta winter!!!
XO
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
Fourth appointment, Day Seven of stims
Well we had another ultrasound today and all looks well!! Dr. G is very happy with the way things are progressing - we have many follicles anything from 7.8-14.3 mm - so we are slowly getting there!!
Next ultrasound is Saturday, and our tentative retrieval date is still Monday, December 03 - which is going to be here before we know it! It is very exciting!
We are lowering my medication tomorrow night just to ensure that we don't suffer from OHSS, we thought we would have lowered it tonight but my estridol rose to 772 and Dr. G thought it would be higher, so Dr. G wanted one more day at the higher dose, which is "A" ok with us.
DH asked Dr. G if everything is on track and he said he couldn't be happier - so that is a good sign right?!
One thing that has my mind spinning now - is during my U/S today - Dr. G asked me if I ever considered being a egg donor (because I have sooo many follicles) wow something to think about - I mean with our first IVF attempt - we had 45 oocytes retrieved and I thought that was a lot and it was a "record" for my clinic at that time and from that we had 30 mature eggs - now if things went right and we had even 20 of those fertilize (oh if only) I would NEVER use them all - now I am wondering how many we will get here - Dr. G went on to tell me he has a patient who has no interest in having children but she does egg donation - and she is a regular at giving 85 oocytes!! yes you read that right 85 oocytes at a retrieval and NEVER suffers from OHSS - this boggles my mind - and obviously after hearing something like that it was a hot topic for my DH and I this afternoon.
I don't think that I would right away donate (and right away I mean this cycle), but obviously freeze any extras (here's to hoping) and then using them and maybe when we think we are done expanding our family then maybe at that point consider donation -but that is so, so far away - can't really make a decision at this point - but still 85 - WOW
Oh the hormones are definitely doing their thing - I can feel my tummy becoming tender I guess - that's the best way to describe it -
And I had a crying spell again - oh my poor DH - the tears just started flowing last night in the lounge of our hotel - no reason - we were just sitting there and the waterworks started - poor guy - damn hormones - but it only lasted a couple minutes and then they were over, he never knows what to do - and if he looks or tries to ask why - I just cry harder - but he did his job - he got me my tissue and that made it all better - oh the simple things to make it stop - lol - but it's all part of our journey and something I hope he has come to accept!!!!
Now we have a couple days to ourselves, we will golf tomorrow and maybe do a tour on Friday - maybe the lagoon boating tour - where you drive these mini boats yourself (I do not do well on boats, especially if we head into the ocean) so I hope I do ok - it's only two hours - so I am hoping I can last - I should do ok in the lagoon area since basically it's like a lake - and I can do lakes back home - but if we head into the ocean to snorkel - we may have a completely different experience - hoping the sun re-appears soon - these overcast days are not so much fun!!
I will probably post again on Saturday or Sunday after our next appointment - and hopefully soon sit down to give you all the down low on our "history"
Till next time!!
Thanks for reading :-)
Next ultrasound is Saturday, and our tentative retrieval date is still Monday, December 03 - which is going to be here before we know it! It is very exciting!
We are lowering my medication tomorrow night just to ensure that we don't suffer from OHSS, we thought we would have lowered it tonight but my estridol rose to 772 and Dr. G thought it would be higher, so Dr. G wanted one more day at the higher dose, which is "A" ok with us.
DH asked Dr. G if everything is on track and he said he couldn't be happier - so that is a good sign right?!
One thing that has my mind spinning now - is during my U/S today - Dr. G asked me if I ever considered being a egg donor (because I have sooo many follicles) wow something to think about - I mean with our first IVF attempt - we had 45 oocytes retrieved and I thought that was a lot and it was a "record" for my clinic at that time and from that we had 30 mature eggs - now if things went right and we had even 20 of those fertilize (oh if only) I would NEVER use them all - now I am wondering how many we will get here - Dr. G went on to tell me he has a patient who has no interest in having children but she does egg donation - and she is a regular at giving 85 oocytes!! yes you read that right 85 oocytes at a retrieval and NEVER suffers from OHSS - this boggles my mind - and obviously after hearing something like that it was a hot topic for my DH and I this afternoon.
I don't think that I would right away donate (and right away I mean this cycle), but obviously freeze any extras (here's to hoping) and then using them and maybe when we think we are done expanding our family then maybe at that point consider donation -but that is so, so far away - can't really make a decision at this point - but still 85 - WOW
Oh the hormones are definitely doing their thing - I can feel my tummy becoming tender I guess - that's the best way to describe it -
And I had a crying spell again - oh my poor DH - the tears just started flowing last night in the lounge of our hotel - no reason - we were just sitting there and the waterworks started - poor guy - damn hormones - but it only lasted a couple minutes and then they were over, he never knows what to do - and if he looks or tries to ask why - I just cry harder - but he did his job - he got me my tissue and that made it all better - oh the simple things to make it stop - lol - but it's all part of our journey and something I hope he has come to accept!!!!
Now we have a couple days to ourselves, we will golf tomorrow and maybe do a tour on Friday - maybe the lagoon boating tour - where you drive these mini boats yourself (I do not do well on boats, especially if we head into the ocean) so I hope I do ok - it's only two hours - so I am hoping I can last - I should do ok in the lagoon area since basically it's like a lake - and I can do lakes back home - but if we head into the ocean to snorkel - we may have a completely different experience - hoping the sun re-appears soon - these overcast days are not so much fun!!
I will probably post again on Saturday or Sunday after our next appointment - and hopefully soon sit down to give you all the down low on our "history"
Till next time!!
Thanks for reading :-)
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